Journey –
MEL-HKG
Flight no. –
CX unknown
Class –
Business
Seat –
15C
So we land and we are off to experience the wonders of the “much better than SYD airport experience that is MEL”…according to melbournonianites.
We don’t get off to a good start with sign posts indicating T2 in two different directions… I think I take the right choice which in theory as I am checked in for my next flight is the
correct choice – but is in fact not the
best choice. Unlike SYD there is immigration pre-screening, one of the functions of which is to point and laugh at economy pax and their paltry hand luggage allowances – or so it seems. As ever I am travelling with a tightly packed 21in Tumi (well it wouldn’t be a simongr trip report if I didn’t drop the Tumi word into the mix) Rollaboard and Tumi (I will refer you to the line above) suitbag. The following exchange ensues*:
Simongr: Hello delightfully helpful and woefully underpaid comrade, oh I wish I could help in your fight against your repressive bosses, would you be able to direct me to the immigration point
Tinpotjumpeduplittlejobsworth: Pah that hand luggage is too fat you scum – bin it or I will
S: I am sorry kind sir I thought that as a business class passenger that a greater luggage allowance was available to me. If you could clarify my misunderstanding I would gladly acquiesce to your demands.
TPJULJ: Pah [insert expletive here] you have a red boarding pass which means your are prole scum not fit to clean my house – dump your bag or I come out swinging.
S: I do believe that as a reward for my ongoing commitment and hard working I have been truly blessed to be able to fly in business class.
TPJULJ: Are you sure?
S: I think so – do you want me to go back to CX check in and get a boarding pass to prove it or is the fact that I am in 15C on an international flight with a premium carrier enough to prove it to you?
TPJULJ: Hmm – well those bags look fat anyway – better weigh them. You do know that you are only allowed 7KG
S: Umm ok…
From there we proceed to
The Scales Of Doom at which point the 20in Tumi (hmm perhaps I should give it a name – I spend more time with it than some of my family… right I name thee Derek!) is weighed and it seems that Derek weighs 12kgs. At this point I have an eyebrow raising moment. So TPJULJ believes me to be a prole with only a 7KG limit and after weighing Derek I am already 5KG over the limit and there is still Rupert (well I couldn’t name the suit bag Clive could I????) to weigh…
At this point bizarrely TPLJUJ loses interest and decides to harass some other PAX – what a glorious waste of time and money – thanks!
* Some dialogue may not accurately the reflect precise wording of the entire exchange
But the hilarity doesn’t end there. Somewhat perturbed I progress through a placid immigration to security screening. In her wisdom mrssimongr has bought an earring stand for simongrmother in the shape of a “thong” (also known as a flip flop to the non-Ockers). Derek goes through the x-ray at least three times (that wont give him cancer will it?) before I am asked to open him up and given this is a gift it has been wrapped in gift wrap so I am disinclined to unwrap the product. A few endeavours at explanation are ignored until the shift change when the staff look at the x-ray and go “Oh that’s an earring stand in the shape of a thong – off you go sir”. Go figure…
So a slightly frazzled simongr then commences the hunt for F lounge. After a few minutes hunting (not with dogs though as that would be cruel unless you were chasing Jeremy Clarkson in an Asian car) I finally find the F lounge – phew!
I find it amusing that people complain about having to walk through duty free in SYD to get to the lounges (unless you play hunt the staircase short cut) whereas in MEL you have to walk through DF and then play Hunt the Lounge…
Finally I am up the escalator and into the lounge. On entry the staff are great. My BP is taken off me (I assume this gets me in the lounge faster whilst they do whatever they need to do with the BP) and I am ushered. I am quickly presented with a menu and asked for my choice of drink – I think you can guess where that is going
Sadly the drink is a quite slow to arrive – now this may seem trivial but people have always panned SYD for slow service and this is no better. The lounge is completely devoid of life and given I have a few hours I realise I should have gone for a Spa treatment – although as I don’t like massages and I am a little rough hewn for facials I am not sure what I would go for…
I order the minute steak which on arrival is better described as “my-newt” but the Café de Paris butter and chips are 100% yum. As I tuck in I start writing up the trip report (apologies it has taken 5 months to get this far) and watching Beethoven out of the corner of my (hey I am an old softy for dogs) but miss the end as someone changes the channel so that both TVs are showing the cricket…
After a while I check my BP and decide to head to the gate – but sadly QF check in in SYD have again not helped me by printing a boarding time that is 60 mins ahead of departure. – yes I know I should have checked. So sheepishly it’s back to the lounge where the staff remark that they wondered where I was going…
Back to the same seat and I at least get to finish my unfinished champers
Finally it is back to boarding and despite some irrational belief of an impending op-up, none is forthcoming (I have no idea why I thought I might an op-up).
We are on the old new business class product (the wedgie seat) and I am joined by an 80 year old scots woman on her way to the UK. Thankfully I am not subjected to nine hours of “and this is little Johnny when he first walked and this is little Johnny when he did his first burp” – although I did spend half the journey explaining to her what the FAs had said as she was half deaf.
The IFE is of course working but the list of movies is less than inspiring and after a reasonably long lounge visit I am feeling a little “tired and emotional” so after a rather insipid dinner I decide to snooze. It seems that this cabin is placed next to a train station as the traffic through and in it is enough to wake the dead.
The Old new business class on CX does have its challenges as even fully extended I am not 100% straight and I begin to remember why, even despite a good soft product I started to avoid CX.
Eventually we begin getting read for descent into HKG and I realise after a little nap that I am iPodless!!!! Much dismantling of seats later and I am still an iPod free zone. I resign myself to having to buy a new one when I get to NY (any excuse to get to the Apple store).
I thank the staff for their help and get settled in for landing. I disembark and begin the long walk to immigration on to hear “mr gr, mr gr, mr gr” and as I turn I see the CSD running down the hallway iPod in hand – good work CX
The HKIAFV card does it’s stuff again and I am quickly onto the train and equally quickly asleep as it is about 1AM my time. I get to the Conrad around 10PM and am whisked up to the Exec lounge where my Champers is poured and unlike in SHA they allow me to take my drink back to the room – in fact they carry it for me!
So at around 11PM (local) a very tired simongr climbs into bed for a good sleep.
, I just made a cup of tea and settled in bed to continue reading and . . . how can you leave us in, well, in where? Looking forward to the next installment.
Linear Mode
