A BIT OF HUMOUR
Page 30.
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From a Qantas employee: 'Welcome aboard Qantas Flight X to Y to operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seat belt; and, if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public un-supervised.'
I never quite understood showing the seat belt demonstration after you are supposedly seated in your seat with the seat belt already buckled and adjusted. One of the great mysteries of life....
Member of: AA Exec Plat; QF LTG; PC Plat; HHonors Gold
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Re: A BIT OF HUMOUR
Quote:
Originally Posted by JohnK
I never quite understood showing the seat belt demonstration after you are supposedly seated in your seat with the seat belt already buckled and adjusted. One of the great mysteries of life....
Its because the action to unlock airline seatbelt is different to most regular car seatbelts with which most people are familiar. There have been several cases where people have struggled to unfasten their seatbelt when panicking in an emergency. Such cases have been reported by spotwelder (an aviation safety expert and crash investigator and regular poster on Flyertalk).
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Re: A BIT OF HUMOUR
Three lawyers and three engineers are traveling by train to a conference. At the station, the three lawyers each buy tickets and watch as the three engineers buy only a single ticket.
"How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asked one of the three lawyers.
"Watch and you'll see," answers one of the engineers.
They all board the train. The lawyers take their respective seats but all three engineers cram into a restroom and close the door behind them. Shortly after the train as departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the restroom door and says, "Ticket, please."
The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on.
The lawyers saw this and agreed it was quite a clever idea. So after the conference, the lawyers decide to copy the engineers on the return trip and save some money.
When they get to the station, the lawyers buy a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the engineers don't buy a ticket at all.
"How are you going to travel without a ticket," asks one perplexed lawyer.
"Watch and you'll see," says one of the engineers.
When they board the train the three engineers cram into a restroom and the three lawyers cram into another one nearby. The train departs. Shortly afterward, one of the engineers leaves his restroom and walks over to the restroom where the lawyers are hiding. He knocks on the door and says,
On a flight from MEL to BNE, a blonde woman gets out of her seat in economy, goes forward to business and sits down.
A FA, seeing this, asks to see the woman's boarding pass, then asks her to go back to her seat in Y. The blonde replies "I'm beautiful and I should be seated in J. I refuse to move". The FA goes to get the CSM who then repeats the instruction to move. The blonde says "Im beautiful, blonde and I live in Toorak. I'll stay here." The CSM stumped by this display of logic, goes to the cockpit and reports the problem to the pilots.
The first officer goes back to the J cabin and points out to the blonde that PAX are required to obey instructions given by the crew. The blonde states "I'm beautiful, blond, live in Toorak and vote Liberal. Leave me alone". The copilot, shaking his head, goes back to the cockpit and reports the impasse to the captain. The captain says that his third wife was a blonde and he will go back and see what he can do.
When he gets to the blonde, he leans over and whispers in her ear. She gets up immediately and goes back to her Y seat. The CSM is amazed by this and when the captain passes on his way to the cockpit, asks "what did you whisper in her ear?"
The captain says "I told her that the business cabin wasn't going to Brisbane".
A blind man enters a Ladies Bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a drink.
After sitting there for awhile, he yells to the bartender, "Hey, you want to hear a blonde joke?"
The bar immediately falls absolutely quiet.
In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, "before you tell that joke, sir,
I think it is just fair - giving that you are blind - that you should know five things:
1.The bartender is a blonde woman.
2.The bouncer is a blonde woman.
3.I'm a 6 feet tall, 220 lb. blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4.The woman sitting next to me is a blonde professional weightlifter.
5.The lady to your right is a blonde and is a professional wrestler.
"Now think about it seriously, mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"
The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and declares, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."
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Re: A BIT OF HUMOUR
I heard this funny remake on The Travel Commons podcast a few days ago, and thought some might get a kick out of it. It’s a remake of “Leaving on a Jet Plane” involving the flying experience nowadays (especially TSA experience). The Bar and Grille Singers, a group of practicing attorneys, perform this. Enjoy!
Q:How many women with MENOPAUSE does it take to change a light bulb?Woman's Answer:One! ONLY ONE!!!! And do you know WHY? Because no one else in this house knows HOW to change a light bulb! They don't even know that the bulb is BURNED OUT!! They would sit in the dark for THREE DAYS before they figured it out.And , once they figured it out, they wouldn't be able to find the #&%!* light bulbs despite the fact that they've been in the SAME CABINET for the past 17 YEARS! But if they did, by some miracle of God, actually find them, 2 DAYS LATER, the chair they dragged to stand on to change the STUPID light bulb would STILL BE IN THE SAME SPOT!!!!! AND UNDERNEATH IT WOULD BE THE WRAPPER THE FREAKING LIGHT BULBS CAME IN!!! BECAUSE NO ONE EVER PICKS UP OR CARRIES OUT THE GARBAGE!!!! IT'S A WONDER WE HAVEN'T ALL SUFFOCATED FROM THE PILES OF GARBAGE THAT ARE A FOOT DEEP THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE HOUSE!! IT WOULD TAKE AN ARMY TO CLEAN THIS PLACE! AND DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON WHO CHANGES
THE TOILET PAPER ROLL!!I'm sorry. What was the question?
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