[drron]

Things really are hotting up with carry on regulations but on my recent trip to the good old USA things were taken to an extreme.
Sitting at the front when a vulture boards carrying 2 dead raccoons.The FA fixes him with the look that only an american FA with 55 years experience can do and says"sir you can only have one carrion per passenger

[Reggie]

Originally Posted by drron

Things really are hotting up with carry on regulations but on my recent trip to the good old USA things were taken to an extreme.
Sitting at the front when a vulture boards carrying 2 dead raccoons.The FA fixes him with the look that only an american FA with 55 years experience can do and says"sir you can only have one carrion per passenger

Arrrgh

[straitman]

Politically corrected nursery rhymes

Jack and Jill went up the hill...
Two young persons of opposite genders, proceeded toward the apex of a natural geologic protuberance. The purpose of their expedition was to procure a sample of fluid hydride of oxygen in a large vessel, the exact size of which was ominously omitted from the record. As the male person precipitously descended, he consequently sustained severe damage to the upper cranial portion of his anatomy. A similar fate befell the female, who immediately after the male person, performed a self-rotational translation oriented in the same direction having been traversed by the young man.

[oz_mark]

Originally Posted by Maca44

ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?
COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting up an office in my den, and I'm thinking about buying a computer.

Imagine the fun everyone will have if Costello becomes PM and Abbott becomes treasurer.

[Gazza]

Yeah

It will be a freakin laugh a minute.

I suspect that Australia under the direction of these two clowns would make 1938 Germany look liberal

Gazza

[JohnK]

I have just read this over on FT and thought it was funny.

A chap, sitting in Harry's Bar at Singapore's Changi Airport, noticed a very beautiful woman sitting next to him.

He thought to himself, "Wow, she's so gorgeous she must be a flight attendant. But which airline does she work for?

Hoping to pick her up, he leaned towards her and uttered the Delta Airlines slogan: "Love to fly and it shows?"

She gave him a blank, confused stare and he immediately thought to himself, "Oh crap, she doesn't work for Delta."

A moment later, another slogan popped into his head. He leaned towards her again, "Something special in the air?"

She gave him the same confused look. He mentally kicked himself, and scratched Singapore Airlines off the list.

Next he tried the Thai Airways slogan: "Smooth as silk."

This time the woman turned on him. "What the f**k do you want?"

The man smiled, then slumped back in his chair and said,"Ahhhhh, Qantas!"

[Maca44]

Roses are red
violets are blue
I'm a schizophrenic
And so am I

[Maca44]

A well dressed handsome man enters the First Class section of an international flight and is seated next to a very beautiful woman in her mid 30's. After an hour or so into the flight the young man turns to the woman and says, "Excuse me, but would you make love to me for a million dollars" to which considers for a second or two before replying, "Yes, I suppose so".

Nothing more was said about it until about an hour later when the young man again turns to the woman and says, "Would you make love to me for $50" to which she snaps at him, "No way, what sort of woman do you think I am". He says, "I know what sort of woman you are, we are just trying to negotiate a price".

[JohnK]

Originally Posted by Maca44

"I know what sort of woman you are, we are just trying to negotiate a price".

What price did they finally negotiate?

Have you got her number?

[oz_mark]

Q. WHat does and Englishman do after his country wins the World Cup?

A. Puts the Playstation away and goes to bed.