[futaris]

From themot.org



And the real story of what happened.

[codash1099]

There was once a newly ordained priest who joined the staff of a large, well-to-do parish. His boss, the senior priest, had been there for many years and was steeped in wisdom. The young priest was very full of himself, having taken a number of prizes for preaching in seminary.

He was particularly proud of his efforts in the pulpit. Indeed, he said to his boss one day, "Father, there is not a subject in the world that I could, at the drop of a hat, find a Biblical text for and then be able to preach a sermon."

The senior priest decided to put his young charge to the test.

"Well, my boy," he said, "don't you be preparing any sermon for mass next Sunday. Instead, when you get into the pulpit you will find a sealed envelope which I will have put there. Inside the envelope there will be a single sheet of paper on which I will have written a one word topic. I defy you to find any kind of text that will fit."

The young priest looked forward to the test with relish.

The day came. He ascended the stairs into the pulpit. His boss was squirming with anticipation.

The young man opened the envelope, glanced at the sheet of paper on which was written the one word, "CONSTIPATION", and proclaimed: "And Moses took the two tablets and went off down the mountain....."

[Alanslegal]

Why are wedding dresses white?

Son asked his mother the following question:

"Mom, why are wedding dresses white?" The mother looks at her son and replies,

"Son, this shows your friends and relatives that your bride is pure."

The son thanks his Mom and goes off to double-check this with his father.

"Dad why are wedding dresses white?"

The father looks at his son in surprise and says,

"Son, all household appliances come in white."

[codash1099]

A man boarded an airplane in Sydney, Australia, with a
box of crabs. A female crewmember took it and promised
to put it in the crew's refrigerator, which she did.

Shortly before landing, she couldn't remember who gave
her the package, so she announced to the entire cabin,
"Would the gentleman who gave me the crabs in Sydney
please raise your hand?"

Not one hand went up.

So she took them home and ate them herself!

[Maca44]

This is what you call REALITY SHOPPING.

A new supermarket opened near my house.
It has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh.
Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain.
When you pass the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and you experience the scent of fresh mown hay.
In the meat department there is the aroma of charcoal grilled steaks with onions.
When you a approach the egg case, you hear hens cluck and cackle,
and the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of bacon and eggs frying.
The bread department features the tantalizing smell of fresh baked bread & cookies.
I don't buy toilet paper there any more.

[codash1099]

A cowboy walks into a bar and orders a whisky.

When the bartender delivers the drink, the cowboy asks, "Where is everybody?"

The bartender replies, "They've gone to the hanging."

"Hanging? Who are they hanging?"

"Brown Paper Pete," the bartender replied.

"What kind of a name is that?" the cowboy asked.

"Well," says the bartender, "he wears a brown paper hat, brown paper shirt, brown paper trousers and brown paper shoes."

"How bizarre," said the cowboy. "What are they hanging him for?"

"Rustling," answered the bartender.

[bambbbam2]

[bambbbam2]

[bambbbam2]

[Maca44]

Kevin Rudd visited an aboriginal community last week, but they told him they didn't know nuthin' about no stolen generator.