OT - Another Bad Man goes Honest..
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Have added buying an engagement ring/ wedding bands, planning engagement and wedding parties in two countries, getting married & honeymoon preparations to my already impossible list of things to do before 31/03/06 (including winding things up here, finalizing my thesis proposal, relocating to Australia & finding somewhere to live).
Not married yet but already the SO has exerted her influence. Looks like I'll be cancelling my planned 10 day trip alone (cancellation fee over $500 :x ) to Canada and Barbados on Monday :cry: , but my married friends have advised it's a wise decision/ investment :wink: .
Any married AFFs are welcome to offer advice. I need it
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As someone who has done the engagement thing, I can say that it's like being in the matrix. You're about to discover a whole world that you didn't know existed!
As someone who has done the wedding-in-both-countries thing, I can say that it's worth the extra effort just to keep both families happy.
Something to ponder: The hardest part of our two-country marriage has been the cultural differences. We had a disagreement that went for months about what light beer means (low in alcohol/low in calories). It turned out that we were both right for our respective countries!
Not being gainfully married, I can't provide much advice in that field, though I have been reliably informed you will be able to sell your set of enyclopedias on e-bay. You won't require them anymore, as "wife knows everything"
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Just a few of thoughts that might help you in your life ahead
A fresh-faced lad on the eve of his wedding night asks his mother, "Mom, why are wedding dresses white?"
The mother looks at her son and replies, "Son, this shows the town that your bride is pure."
The son thanks his mom, and then seeks his father opinion, "Dad, why are wedding dresses white?"
The father looks at his son in surprise and says, "Son, all household appliances come in white."
Something I learnt a long time ago is that if you upset your wife she nags you. If you upset her even more you get the silent treatment. Don't you think it's worth the extra effort?
Don't however, ever let it get to this,------
Dear Napisan,
I'm writing to say what an excellent product you have! I've used it since the beginning of my married life, when my Mom told me it was the best. Now that I am older and going through menopause, I find it even better!
In fact, about a month ago, I spilled some red wine on my new white blouse . My unfeeling and uncaring husband started to berate me about how clumsy I was and generally started becoming a pain in the neck.
One thing led to another and I ended up with a lot of his blood on my white blouse. I tried to get the stain out using a bargain detergent, but it just wouldn't come out. After a quick trip to the supermarket, I purchased a bottle of liquid Napisan with bleach alternative, and to my surprise and satisfaction, all of the stains came out!!
In fact, the stains came out so well, that when the detectives who came by yesterday told me that the DNA tests on my blouse were negative and then my attorney called and said that I would no longer be considered a suspect in the disappearance of my husband.
What a relief! I thank you, once again, for having such a great product.
Well, gotta go. I have to write a letter to the Glad bag people...
Because I'm a man, when one of our appliances stops working, I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me twice as much, once the repair person gets here and has to put it back together.
Because I'm a man, I must hold the television remote control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss an entire show looking for it (though one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator)...applies to engineers mainly.
Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask me what I'm thinking about. The answer is always either, sex, cars or football. I have to make up something else when you ask, so don't ask.
Because I'm a man, I do not want to visit your mother, or have your mother come visit us, or talk to her when she calls, or think about her any more than I have to. Whatever you got her for Mother's Day is okay; I don't need to see it. And don't forget to pick up something for my mother too.
Because I'm a man, you don't have to ask me if I liked the movie. Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't.... and if you are feeling amorous afterwards...then I will certainly at least remember the name and recommend it to others.
Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing is fine. I thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or without it, looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine. Can we just go now?
Because I'm a man, and this is, after all, the year 2005, I will share equally in the housework. You just do the laundry, the cooking, the cleaning, the vacuuming, and the dishes, and I'll do the rest... like looking for my socks, or like wandering around in the garden with a beer wondering what to do.
This has been a public service message for Women to better understand the Male.
Here are some and I have never even been married. Not as good as straitman's advice. Actually they come from slideshow I have called "AllMensRules". Many of you may have seen it. If you haven't and you are interested send me a PM and I will e-mail it to you. This is life from the male perspective.
Breasts are for looking at and that is why we do it. Don't try to change that
Learn to work the toilet seat. You are a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down
Saturday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we will never think of it that way
Crying is blackmail
Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one. Subtle hints do not work, strong hints do not work, obvious hints do not work. JUST SAY IT.
"Yes" and "No" are perfectly acceptable answers to any question
Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what you're girlfriends are for
A headache that lasts for 17 months is problem. See a doctor
Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissable in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days
If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways make you sad or angry, we meant the other one
You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it , just do it for yourself
Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials
Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we
All men see in only 16 colours, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a colour. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
If it itches it will be scratched. We do that.
If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing", we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying but it is just not worth the hassle.
If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear
When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really
Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as sex, sport or cars
You have enough clothes
You have too many shoes
I am in shape. Round is a shape
Thank you for reading; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know men really don't mid that, it is like camping
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